exoskeleton (biocatharsis) wrote,

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Welcome inside me, Floyd the plumber!

Today marks the 4yr. Mile marker of the now infamous kidney transplant. 4 years ago 2day my father bestowed upon me life part deux in the form of R. Kidney Donation. I am, of course, greatful. Indeed..

But, I have a major dillema... what u say? I am speeding up the demise of my kidney {& my heart} with {brutal, live & world-wide broadcasted honesty here} chemical dependancy. Drug of choice? Opiods. Why? They r better than Xanax for anxiety. Leaps & bounds more effective than IBUProfin for pain [even tylenol]. Last longer than certain schedule 1 uppers, per dose. Plus, detox is 2 maybe 3 days. There really is a myriad of excuses I could give. Literally. Alas, they ARE simply excuses in the end.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm admitting I have a problem. #1. Know it is speeding up MY demise & I want nothing more than to be free from these, pillsCHAINS, #2.. & #3 most importantly I WANT ME BACK! I miss the person, hiding & seeking inside me. That person the addiction & drugs is decaying & will destroy.

It all started when I was 19. Purple specks appeared on my legs & arms in conjunction with adema & pain. That is right about the time I started bruising, perfusely. I had simple blood work done, full CBC panel, the 9. Turned out I am anemic. However, that did not explain the speckles! So, on 2 another Doctor, after it did not relent after a year. After much Dr. "Shopping" until a Physicians Assistant diagnosed me from an out d8ed medical text book. HSP [heonoch schenlins Purpura], an auto-immune disease that [I later found out, when it was TOO LATE @ that!] Causes the persons immune system to attack the kidneys. By the time I was 23, I was, unknown to me [no symptoms what so ever] I was in full Renal [kidney] failure. At a mere 17% function. I had to go on dialysis until I was matched with a new kidney.
Tags: addiction, blood clot, chemical dependancy, chest pain, cigarettes, contradiction, death, dialysis, heart failure, honesty, kidney, kidney failure, meth, open heart, pain, percocet, ptsd, pulmonary embolis, surgery, thoracic, transplant
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